Happy New Year! Kissaten Cafe, and More...

Happy 2015!!!

So, I'm 18 days late in wishing the cyber world a Happy New Year, but It's still new month, new year...same, same, right?

2015 is kicking off with a lot of exciting projects taking shape! As mentioned in past blogs, I will be having work showing in different locations, and I've made my new year's resolution to be proactive in putting my art out more this year than previous years. I have so much collected, so it's time to do something with it!

so first things first,

Kissaten Cafe!

Up from Jan-March 2015

Up from Jan-March 2015

You can find some of my originals up at Kissaten cafe at 88 Piikoi Street (Honolulu, Hawaii)


I met with the wonderful Lisa Shiroma who curates a section of the cafe regularly! Kissaten is always looking for new art and talent, so if you're interested in displaying your art in Honolulu shoot me an e-mail, and I'll put you in contact with her ^_^ she's super sweet and easy to work with ^_^

I'll try to get more pictures up as the month goes on! pray for sales and happy customers! 

and now, without further adieu...the

And More...

It's your favorite section!  The "and more" is the nitty gritty of something wild and pretty...
it's the honesty that keep myself (and this blog) interesting.

Today's topic is fitting for the new year: it's all about Goal Setting and New Year resolut-ing

I have taken a hard look at my goal list and have done some updating (especially after my previous "father figure" blog, which so many of you liked--thank you ^_^) Funny thing, I haven't updated the "goals" themselves, but the way I accomplish them...

In the past I broke up my goals and tried to work on them individually, checking things off one by one, in hopes of being a better Winnie. For example, I had separate sheets with the Main goal at the top like: "Pay off Student Loans" with a list of ways to accomplish the goals underneath: "increase monthly payments, use 1/4 tax return and apply it directly to student loan payment..." and what not. The next sheet would say "Get Settled in life" under it would read: "Get married..." so on and so forth...

My goal sheets seemed to be a fail-proof plan, but as we all know, nothing in life (--at least things that matter) are without a bit of failure. I started to notice that I was doing things sheet by sheet, and not looking at a whole picture. I would get caught up on trying to finish my first sheet that I never even glanced at sheet 5 (ya....I have like 8 sheets) 

I also started having mild anxiety attacks after going through my sheets at the end of 2014.  My goals felt like they were in conflict with each other "How can I be a good wife and mother on sheet 4 while trying to start a new business venture on sheet 8? How do i find the time? I can't do it, it has to be one sheet or another. I can't possibly do it all. I want to devote 100 percent into each thing, but I don't have 800% to spare. I mean, let's face it, I barely get up to 50% on most things hahaha...

so...of course, I started crying.

But, after calming down and talking to my husband (who is so logical) he said: "When you visualize your ideal self, you have all of these things? You're a successful wife, mother, and artist with your own non-profit business right?" (Right.) And if you were just one, you wouldn't feel fulfilled...right? (Right.)

"Then you have to look at your goals the same way, and work at them all little by little simultaneously. If you keep breaking them up and working sheet by sheet, you may never get to sheet 5 or 6, and if those sheets are things you want to accomplish to be "happy" then, you're gonna beat yourself up for never getting to them."

He also asked me:" Do you have anything you're looking forward to?" And...after first being very defensive about it, I started to really think about it, and the answer was: "No..."

I get so hung up in the process of goal writing as a task that I completely forget to look up and visualize what it is I'm working so hard for. It has always been about checking things off the list, but never what those checks mean... the whole point of having a goal is to get to something in the end that you were looking forward to from the beginning...and I like completely missed all of that.


For instance, I always write down "Read 10 books" on my goals list, but...why am I reading those books, and what kind of books should I be reading, and what do I want to get out of them. I could just read 10 children's books to check off that goal. know what I mean? But instead of filling my library bag with Truman Capote books, Maybe I should try reading 2 grant-writing books, or 2 books on starting your own non-profit, or 2 business writing books with the emphasis on galleries or art marketing ...something that will further me down the path I keep trudging along.

I also always write down "lose weight" but, until recently I never set a goal weight and i never envisioned myself at this ideal weight and/or WHY I'm trying to lose weight--even if is for something as shallow as to look like the lady from the father figure video...
I recently started to envision a future slimmer self (while pounding on the precor,) and surprise, surprise...I'm losing weight

Even my famous "pay off student loans" or "save money" has always been JUST a task, but after changing my thinking and truly visualizing how nice it will be to be debt-free and possibly enrolling for other college courses without having to worry about adding to an ongoing debt, but possibly having enough money saved to just PAY for school instead of taking out loans...lit a fire under my ass that was never there.

I guess, i took the "why" for granted and figured it was just a given. I'm doing things because...I want to/have to/need to... but once I finally put a concrete vision into the WHY do I want/have/need to do these things, it made my goal list: meaningful, do-able, and gave me *something to look forward to*

so 10 points for my husband, and for me too.. ^_^

to close...

Living is not about black and white. To be alive and to be dead is the black and white, living is everything in between which is grey. be okay with the grey and have a better day.
— Winnie's Words of Wisdom

To infinity and Beyond,





What's it all About, Winnie? A little insight into the madness...

She's the Lady with all the Lines...

Sometimes I feel a little lost in my life. Like, I don't know where I am going, or which direction to turn. I kinda go through that a little every year, but this year, that feeling greeted me like the morning sun. I was a daily thing. For instance, I always kinda feel like I'm going somewhere, but I don' t know if it's forward, backward, or if I'm trapped in the illusion of movement, because it's actually the world moving around me while I"m just standing still. I can't tell anymore.

A lot has happened to me. I don't want to go through the laundry list of events that shaped and molded this year into what it is...but a lot has happened. Most of it was heavy and emotional. Imagine wearing heavy denim jeans and dragging your legs through waist-deep mud... heavy heavy things. I thought I was going to drown in the mud because I kept falling face-forward into the thick, thick mud...

But, somehow, I've found a way out of it, and I made it out--still dirty, but alive. Maybe that's the miracle? I don't know. If you've been following this blog (or any of my blogs) you might've noticed that this blog has turned into something like like Madonna's Blonde Ambition Tour... I'm so gung-ho that it's almost starting to seem fake. It's not. I'm really trying.

You can't survive through months and months of waist deep mud because you just stood still--you have to try, and that's what I've been doing. So...I guess, I am moving in a direction, but where...where....where am I going?

Maybe finding my direction will be easier if I explain why I've been trying so hard...

I was pregnant this year, and I lost the baby. my baby. he passed away, didn't make it. I delivered early and although Enso (my son) was a strong, strong baby, the universe (or whatever) just didn't feel like the world was ready for him. or whatever. I can't verbalize it nicely yet, because I don't feel nicely about it yet...

But, that has been my motivator. I'm trying like a mad-woman to turn into something because I don't want to be a loser. My Enso was so very special, and I just want to be as special as he was. He wasn't a loser, so his mom can't be one either... (sigh)

You know, once you've lost something so so so big in your life, it's hard to not feel like the biggest loser on the planet. Friends and family keep telling me--over and over again, "you're not a loser, you did everything you could, don't blame yourself" but honestly, those are just words.

sooooo....I feel like I need results so that I can validate myself again, and that's why I'm pushing myself so hard. Most of the time, it doesn't even matter what direction I'm pushing, I just want to keep moving. moving so that I don't have to stand still and think about what I've lost. the pain is too deep, too much for me to walk through, heavier than the mud because it's no longer wet's drying into hard, hard mud. If I dont' keep pushing and moving, i'll be stuck there in that pain forever...

But, on days like today I'm more concerned with where I"m going, verses why. Maybe that's a sign of recovery? Maybe one layer of the deepest cut is starting to heal just a little? I don't know... All I hope is that I'm getting somewhere.
I hope that this artwork and the dedication and time put into it will pay off, that it'll mean something more than just a band-aid that I've wrapped myself in.

Someone recently said that they see my passion in my art by just looking at my drawings, they can see and feel it. that made me happy.

I want my drawings to be a window into what's going on, and each line in every single illustration is  like a tick on the wall of someone who is in jail, it's the line of hope saying "I've been through this much for this long, but it won't be long..."
And I believe that, it won't be long....

That's all for today folks,

love you all, always.