Changed

"Oh my god, Sam... I just realized how therapeutic this whole process of cutting my hair is." 

"what do you mean?" Sam asked with a smile as he glanced up at me through the salon mirror. I could see his arms raised, one with my hair in his hand, the other with moving scissors.

 "well, my mom died recently--like, very recent..."

sam dropped my hair, looked intently into the mirror and gasped,  

"oh my god winnie, I'm so sorry..." 

see, I was getting my hair done because it was my birthday present from Dean. When I first entered the salon, Sam greeted me with a cheerful "Happy Birthday!!"  So, I know he put two and two together and realized, "oh no, she lost her mom close to her birthday.."

Of course, I played down the sadness as I do so well by justifying the loss with the "it's ok, she's no longer in pain..." and Sam nodded and brought his focus back to my hair.

"So you were saying therapeutic...?" His voice trailed off, but the interest pushed through. 

"Well, because I think I needed to re-realize that things change. Life changes. But, no matter what, I have to keep moving on with the changes and challenges.

So, I look at my hairstyle and think, it's gonna be completely different--Like I'm a new person...and yet, I'm still winnie, and will always be. The core is still there, although everything else--on the surface-- might be different.

So, now, I have this part of my life to live without my mom...i'm a new winnie and yet at the core, I'm still the same person." 

Sam looked up into the reflection of the mirror and stared into my eyes "I totally understand." 

I quickly broke the connection and looked away.

Thoughtfully I managed to say, "It's easy to forget the simple truths when you're always trying to be positive in order to deal with all the negative." 

again, he looked up and into my eyes, but this time said nothing.  

"Anyway, thank you for doing such a wonderful job with my hair, it feels great to take the weight off of my head, I feel a lot lighter" 

"it is my pleasure, Winnie."  

He continued to cut, and I kept looking at my reflection, watching each chunk of hair come off. it was true, I felt a lot lighter...

 

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Always, 

winnie