I am finally able to write about this...
My closest and dearest friend has begun her journey towards transitioning from one life to the next. She is still with me in the physical form, but I can see her ever so slowly leaving my side.
Her once strong body is now skin and bones, and her seeming everlasting smile has faded away--even though, thankfully, every now and then her laugh reappears like sunlight peeking through a thick covering of leaves.
She will forever be my closest, dearest best friend, and although, as her daughter, it is my duty to care for her as her age and as sickness deteriorate her body, it is also an honor to care for the woman so spent the last 35 years of my life caring so much for me. I don't shy away from what is hard because I am scared of losing her, instead I face it fully because I am so thankful for having her as long as I have, and for all that she has done for me.
Yesterday, I sat with her for a long time and just held her hand while I cleaned her nails. It was like I was still a little girl holding her hand, and I suppose I always will be her little girl, forever holding her hand. She squeezed my hand and said "arigato, winnie. " and I couldn't reply, I just smiled.
Love, in all of its light can still cast some of the darkest shadows. But, I refuse to wallow in some self inflicted depression. I would rather spend my moments with her, my mother, my closest and dearest friend, enjoying whatever we do have left together, because as the song says,
Who knows where the time goes? Who knows where the time goes?