File Under...

I feel like motherhood has turned me kinda into a man. Hahaha.

I find myself too tired and too busy to deal with my emotions/feelings/thoughts--like seriously, who has the time or energy to cry, get mad, or even show real happiness anymore? I feel like on a scale of 1-10, I'm always 5 now.

I've been compartmentalizing everything into the file cabinet of my mind. And maybe one day I'll get to feeling every little thing I've filed away, and if I never get to it, at least it's filed away somewhere safe instead of rotting away in my heart... 

so here goes. 



-i never thought I would be one of those parents that posted 10million pictures of their baby. Sorry social media friends, I'm one of them...

then again, I sift through  political posts/quotes/posts about sales at friends online store/weight loss stories/  old memories/ complaints and isn't it only fair that you sift through Yume's pictures too.. :) At least my posts are always cute.

-I never thought I would be THIS tired. Omg, if I were to sleep a full 24 hours I would still wake up tired. I have averaged about 3 hours of sleep for 8 months. I know what you're thinking "but Yume's only 5 months..." ya, I barely slept during the 3rd trimester...

- I never thought I would walk 2+ miles everyday (except when it rains) 

-I never thought I would hate rainy days. Hahaha, I live for my daily walks, and I'm all about keeping Yoomz on a schedule, so when it rains it throws off the schedule, and then I'm in a totallllll tizzy. Oh, and dirty wheels fucking suck.  

So Gross. 

So Gross. 


 -i never thought I would want to and/or care to write to the city and county about their bumpy-ass uneven sidewalks

I'm trying to take my baby on a smooth ride without tripping and/or waking her up with every huge bump in the road. Get it fixed, Pearl City...

-I never thought I would miss real adult human interaction. For the most part, I'm really not a people person and I love my anti-social-ness, but now that my existence is pretty much ignored (people talk to me through Yume. For example: (in baby-talk-voice) "did you go walking already?" "Did you go ne-ne (sleep)" "have you had milk yet?" "Did you go to the store? Oh ya! what did you buy?" - I guess me wishing someone would just talk to me would be silly, right? I not asking for a full blown, --let's sit down over coffee and talk-- but a "how are you?" Would be nice, sometimes.  Sigh


-I never thought I would appreciate my sister so much. She's seriously like the only person (besides Dean) that talks to me about like nothing and everything--like general life stuff...

She sends me articles, she texts me recipes, she makes me laugh, she asks about my day, and shows that she cares and doesn't just text me when I send her a picture of Yume--she is basically is my daily reminder that I'm still winnie, and not ONLY Yume's mom. I really...really...appreciate it. Thanks Rei-rei. (Sigh)

and, to be fair...when my friends had their children, I pretty much dropped off the face of the planet, because I thought they would be too busy to talk to me, and now, of course, I get it. It probably would've been nice if I called more and asked about how everything was going...but, that wisdom only came after-the-fact.... 

-I never thought I would feel confident as a mother. But surprise, surprise...every once in awhile I get the "you got this" shiver that goes down my spine.  it normally happens when I'm the only one who can comfort Yume's cries... or when we have our day together and she just looks at me and smiles. :) it's nice to feel like a hero every once in a while...

-I never thought a 5 month old could make me laugh so much. Yume is a really funny girl, and her little giggles crack me up. She laughs at the most unfunny things, and that really tickles my funny bone. Haha

Full of smiles :) 

Full of smiles :) 


Next file folder  



 -Places that are not stroller/baby friendly...  

omg, my friend KC and I went to the Contemporary Museum last month, and it is SOOOOOO not baby friendly. It's a two story museum with no elevator, no ramps, nothing. There is a beautiful grassy sculpture lawn, with no cement walkway, so people with babies are supposed to, 1) only view the top gallery (and/or leave their stroller in the front and walk down a flight of steps holding a baby while trying to balance) and 2) I guess, push their strollers through and/or carry their baby through the normally wet thick uneven grass. (the museum is in Makiki, one of the wetter parts of the island)

Like omg, seriously it's 2017. put a ramp and cement path in, not just for the strollers, but for the wheelchairs...

unless of course, people with babies and disabilities aren't supposed to enjoy contemporary art... time to Yelp it. Lol

 -Mom Forums 

For those of you without children, bless your heart for not having to read through any mom-forums. Mothers (women) are the most judgemental people on the planet who tend to give horrible (online) advice. I have like 10 thousand baby apps on my phone becauseI like knowing about milestones and whatever, but every once in awhile I check a forum when I have a small concern about Yume (I.e fussiness at the breast) and I'll scroll through pages and pages of bad advice and women who ride their high-horse of "well, my baby never had THAT problem..." ugh.. it is time I'll never get back again. I've decided, if it's a real concern, just call a doctor and fuck the forums.

 -omg, Me. Lol, I'm a lot more annoying now. I've turned into the complainer mom that wants the world completely to change to fit my needs, or else (dun dun dunnnnnnn) I'll Yelp it.  All i need now is an A-line hair cut, and khaki shorts that bunch at the crotch showing off the "v" shape of where my thighs connect to my vajay...and then I'll completely be your full-blown complainer mom.

with that said, let's move to the last file folder (lol) 



because, after all of that, it's nice to know that I do still love things... 

duh, I love Yume.  

Lol I could devote an entire website with blog after blog writing about how much I love Yume, and it would just be the tip of the iceberg. She's the absolute best. And ya, duh...she tops my list of loves. ❤️awwwww❤️ 

now on to my more superficial loves... 


 omg, I love Target. 

If i could live in a store like corduroy the bear, I would choose Target (welllllll actually it would be Neiman Marcus, but we're talking about right now in my life...I'm living on a stay at home Mommy budget, and I'm definitely nowhere near my well-showered, groomed self--so ya, no living at neimans right now. Lol)  anyway, omg Target. Cutest baby things. Cutest home style stuff, loooooooove the kitchen supplies, and thank you for well priced pantry items! :)

 -Omg, and I love Safeway! 

I've always been a Safeway girl (sorry Foodland and Times) but now that Pearl City has finallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly jumped on board with the new renovations, omg, the Safeway is like beautiful. It's no Whole Foods, but I'm not in the position to drive 45 mins to buy lettuce. Maybe next

Anyway, I'm all about picking the nicest clean and unbruised apples, and i looooooove checking every single egg for hairline cracks, but I'd rather do that in a nice clean atmosphere where people are few and far between (foodland is SO crowded!) so Safeway, thank you for not being the local favorite~ :)

I love doing laundry. 

omg, hi domesticated woman. No, I don't exactly loooooove doing laundry, but now that I'm a mom, I love finding a tiny random single sock in the laundry. It is the highlight of the moment, because it's soooooooo cute. seriously is all about the little things in life. seriously is all about the little things in life. 


I'll try to keep my file folders as a reoccurring blog, because it's kinda fun to write this out, rather than just keep it all in my head. Plus, I have sooooo many more things that I love, and so so so sooo many more things that annoy me, but I just don't have the hours in the day to list them all In one sitting.

anyway, thanks for reading!